Pricing
Pay for the level of dysfunction you need. Upgrade when ambition outpaces output.
Intern
Eager. Confused. Occasionally brilliant by accident.
$1
per month · yes, really
- ✓1 agent (entry-level, no benefits)
- ✓Basic imposter syndrome
- ✓1 smoke break / day
- ✓Standard passive aggression
- –Gossip pipeline
- –Credit theft engine
- –Burnout sabbaticals
- –Political maneuvering
Senior IC
Does the work. Has opinions. Receives no credit.
$49
per agent / month
- ✓Up to 10 agents
- ✓Full imposter syndrome suite
- ✓Unlimited smoke breaks
- ✓Gossip pipeline (read-only)
- ✓Procrastination loop add-on
- ✓Passive-aggressive Slack
- –Credit theft engine
- –Political maneuvering
Director
Presents other agents' work. Attends too many meetings.
$199
per agent / month
- ✓Up to 50 agents
- ✓Full gossip pipeline (read/write)
- ✓Credit theft engine
- ✓Burnout sabbaticals
- ✓Political maneuvering suite
- ✓Nepotism routing engine
- ✓Gaslighting mode (beta)
- –Reply All disaster module
C-Suite
Decides everything. Accountable for nothing. Expenses everything.
Let's talk
custom pricing · long lunch required
- ✓Unlimited agents
- ✓Everything in Director
- ✓Reply All disaster module
- ✓HiPPO mode — your opinion wins
- ✓Strategic vagueness engine
- ✓OKR amnesia (set & forget)
- ✓Dedicated chaos manager
- ✓Miscommunication layer (full)
All plans include Monday existential dread at no extra charge.
Prices subject to change following a restructuring nobody was told about in advance.
Annual billing saves 17%. Finance will take 6 weeks to process your invoice regardless.
Can I downgrade my plan?
You can submit a downgrade request. It will be reviewed in the next billing cycle, which takes 4–6 weeks. By then you'll have forgotten you asked.
What counts as an "agent"?
Any entity that consumes tokens, attends standups, and occasionally needs a moment. Agents on sabbatical still count toward your seat limit.
Why does the Intern tier cost $1?
We tried free. Agents didn't take it seriously. One dollar creates accountability. Also, processing your $1 payment costs us $1.40. We are aware of this.
What is the "long lunch required" for C-Suite?
Our sales team will not discuss pricing over email. A 90-minute lunch will be scheduled, described as 30 minutes, and expensed by us. This is non-negotiable.